Conversations of clueless Alfredo to Casey.

Dear Casey,


I’ve seen you longing for happiness
For quite sometime,
But still, you haven’t got it right,
Are you okay?

Obviously you’re not fucking okay.

Silly, we have names among ourselves,
He, she, me, you, we,
All of us do, that keep us laughing,
Laughing for you to carry you back,
Back home where you belong.

Somewhere in between,

We cried over the same melodies,
We got our bruises from the same guy,
But yours was...shall I say worst?
You got it from him for Christ sake!
He was strong, mean and definitely
Nasty.

You’re hurt but still you’re pulling the strings,
Back, back to you,
Trying so hard preventing sorrowfulness,
To prevent him walking out of the front door,
Leaving traces of...nothingness.

You hide it every time he walk pass by your mind,
Even from your mum, you do,
But dear Casey, do you know that all of us are worried?
Perhaps not, I don’t think so.

My medulla oblongata is dying,
And the vision of it, has somehow fade,
How can I ever see you again, Casey?
Well previously Pete left, now you, where to?
I heard heaven is overrated? Is that where it is?

Inevitable.

Nothing can be change at this moment,
Have some aspirin and meet me at the bottom,
I’ll lead you to hell, we’ll see if it’s overrated or not.
I’m not asking for much, not even mercy,
Because you don’t even have that, why bother asking?
If I can hold this beating heart, I’ll plug it out and give it
To the boy in Iraq,
He really needs them more than I do.

Stories,

I'm running out of ink, but I can illustrate it
With pictures and let you listen to it,
Yes they have sounds also, wait; I’m not sure about it,
Every trick takes half a second, every prick kills every second,
But you take less than that.

I took pictures, you make scenes,
I create cinematography, while you create the moments in there,
You fucking prick!
Now you’ve lost the tape we’ve built,
God damn you.

Evaluation is what I need the most right now,
I need to calculate and evaluate your worthiness,
I want to track back the billings the blood we shed,
The times we’ve wasted.

To Pete, Goodbye.

Fragment 1:

I’ve tried, really; I did,
But...I fucking scream to hardcore, screamo,
Shit,
I obviously fail didn’t I?

You saw that in me,
Screamed in my head,
Quiver my fucking world,
To vary my feelings, emotions, thoughts
And what not,
To normality, sanity, and yes,
To me...usually.

I love the things you put aside,
I enjoy killing dreams and give them nightmares
For a change,
I enjoy life, pretending it was colourful,
Well at least, it’s still colourful...for now.

You’ve met Venus and crash it with,
Such hatred and cruelty towards the sun,
There, Angela cried again in the,
Deepest, darkest, sorrowfulness corners of the world,
World only known to her, Tentamonium.

Fragment 2:

I write to her in black,
A colour which I took from my feelings,
But it came back transparent to me, I’ve seen the true
Colours now, its no longer exist,
It’s the colours of Pete, the rainbow I saw in Venus,
Bright it was, but somehow it is still,
As dark as the heart you’re holding, weird,
Enough nonsense of Angela,
I’m tired.

Its okay, I dug my own grave darling.

Sleep for now, sleep and dream again,
At least for Pete, he needs you,
Badly that crying is not sadness, but happiness...to him.
Shake; shake the helms of hell, Pete,
For Angela, please do,
Bring back the devil in her, for her revenge,
Help her avenge her,
Darkest...you know what it is, don’t you Pete?

Fragment 3:

Tragedy is a form of reminder dear friend,
Reminds you of Venus and Rigel,
Coffee on the table, while walking on pebble stones,
Burning ICE late midnight, such deep pain,
As deep and dark as the well behind your house,
As sorrow as the fishmonger when he has nothing,
Nothing to feed to his wife and children.

Fragment 4:

We, they, them, his, hers,
We are friends,
Just like the stars and the moon,
Such bond they have among them,
The stars will tell the other stars that the moon
Is on a break,
And the moon will tell the stars,
"Look at Pete, cheer him up, lets all come out…for him, for Angela,
For them, lets save Pete."

When they shine, he jumps,
He falls, slowly, with a smile,
He’s sinister looks was so convincing,
To the stars and the moon, he’s not going to fall,
But still they dashed to him, save him.

Yes this is when Pete shows his gratitude to his allies,
He smiled again,
Its okay, he’s safe.

Fragment 5:

Pete is now not Pete anymore.
He danced with the devil already,
The devil, Angela,
Made him scream, scratch and
Stab,
Stab,
Stab,
Stab every single heart he sees.
Scary Pete he was.
Even Angela left, for she is also terrified.

Good bye Pete,
Come back when you are really Pete,
Come back when you have forgive,
Come back when you don’t see her in your eyes,
Come back,
Please come back,
If you’re still alive.

I Am Bogeyman, Remember?

Darkest hour,
You stood there, static
Only to see me bleed, and bleed,
I survived, with sympathy of others
I surely did, darling.

I’m not pleased,
Never will I, not until;
I can stop crying every night,
Crying was never in my dreams.

I dreamt again today,
Awkward though, we made love again,
Dirty it was babe, but you surely looked like you enjoyed it,
What a twist of life it was. Sigh.

Insomnia,
Perhaps I need to sleep a little longer,
And wake up, realising, what I’ve just missed,
Thorns of roses scratching my skin, and it has been two years already.

My fucking fist are tired, fighting for you,
Tired they are, still; I carried on,
Protecting your petite heart, from sharp,
Really sharp....scary feelings.

You loved milk so much that you’ll keep it last,
To drink with me, to show that you love me,
Really, was what I just said true?
Perhaps it is, I trusted you, remember?

So much, so much has gone through you,
But haven’t you seen what has gone through me?
The nightmares of bogeyman I had just because I want to be with you?
I didn’t mind, not at all, I loved you, remember?

Now, I am "revenge",
Not that I hate you, it’s just a way of "cowards",
"Coward", dare you to speak of that? Please, look back.
Now, tell me; what am I missing?

Revenge is passion, passion of crime,
You know that, you loved that,
Oh yes, I remembered that as well,
I catch words fast, remember?

I don’t think you remember anything anymore, sayang.
Not now especially. I am bogeyman, remember?

This is how I express myself, I’m sorry.

You, I, We, They, Are Fucking Lost.

Say, what have you got?
For the sinful years you’ve been living,
What have you got for us this time?

Zilch

Not a damn fixation,
Not a damn follower
Not a damn victory
Not a damn,
Damn, damn, damn,
Clue about your fucking life.

Pretend
Pretend all you can
Pretend For as long as you can
Pretend To whom ever you can
Pretend to be who ever you can,
Just fucking pretend,
To make it as your fake life.

Please

Please look at your life
Please don’t release your emotions on the walls
Please throw your iniquity thoughts away
Please let go of your revenge
Please, please, please
Don’t fucking jump down.

For now,

Stay close to them
Be happy with them
Share with them
Cry with them
They, they, they,
Are your fucking friends.

Fuck

Fuck them
Fuck their thoughts
Fuck their gossips
Fuck their feelings
Just fucking kill all of them,
Who betray the little heart of yours.

You, I, We, They, Are Fucking Lost.
What makes you think we’ll be happy again?



The world we’re in; the four walls of our lives, is no match to the world we’ve yet to discover. I find truth in that, friend.

I Want To...

i want to sleep
i want to take a hot shower
i want to listen to Deepset over and over again
i want to buy a new hoodie
i want to write more
i want to publish my poems since 2007 but never did
i want to go to the moon and whisper my wish
i want to chase a falling star
i want to to take more pictures
i want to be able to make good music
i want to have my own colour
i want to make people happy
i want to be happy.

i want to do a lot of things but time wont let me do so.
i want to be happy but the situation is a mess.
i want to sleep now and dream, i haven't dream for days.

note to self:
life is so sick when you're doing it wrongly, what the fuck; you are already wrong you sick bastard.

Oh...

Dear star,
I wish upon you every night,
for a time machine or maybe a time bomb.
do I need those?
do I have to?

I don't know

really, my mind is moving away swiftly
to neverland where I can hide all my thoughts
remove away from me and pretend,
need to say more?
or should I write it on my arms?

mind blowing, how fast you run up the hills,
high up there, I couldn't find you,
nor your foot prints. M.I.A.
I was lost.


the CD changer, keeps on repeating the same,
old songs of heartbreaking stories, never ending fairytale,
boredom, sadness, pain,
oh I forgot, happy, also included.
used too.



once again, I blocked it out.

"yes! I did it!"

that was the first thought I had in mind.
I was wrong, all my thoughts are going,
places, not accurate.
why?
why is it so hard?


I've figured, you wrote a letter
to the president, to send a massive attack
on me, hitting every inch of my walls,
walls I've build from pure hatred and pain.
yes,the walls fell.
but not exactly all of them, just a few corners.
I survived.


Oh, thank God I did.