In Agony, Aku Mati.

I pointed out at a star,
My friends ask why,
I answered with a simple,
"Because it shines brightly, why can't I?"

I gulp in a glass of hot tea,
Wondering where could he be,
I smiled sinisterly and said,
"a) He's out there waiting for me, or b)..."
I’ll leave that empty, for later maybe.

The joyous veins has run dry,
Blackened and bruised.
Completely out of amusement,
Waiting for the newspaper man
; "I'm dying in agony."

I do not know how to show,
But I do know how to grow,
I do know what anger is, but I do not throw,
Because I know it will grow,
And I’ll show you someday tomorrow.

Hence, the points have been calculated,
Divided, multiplied, and subtracted,
In the end...
I will leave it empty again.

Today,
They asked me why I leave it empty,
I answered, "Because those are not meant to be wondered,
but to be figured."
Because it requires a lot of patients and a measureless
amount of love and desire of wanting to care,
For him to know the answer.

Because this body won't last long,
Because this body wouldn't let anything go wrong,
Because this body have been hurt so long,
Because this body needs a song,
Because this body, will love forever long.

Aku percaya, tak semuanya tipu belaka,
Aku percaya, tak semuanya kekal sama,
Aku percaya, tak semuanya tak akan berubah,
Aku percaya, tak semuanya tentang dia,
Boleh mambawa aku lemas dalam kesakitan,
Kerana dia juga merupakan kebahagiaan.

Solace of Cataclysm.

Testament 1:

You’re a master of puppets,
You mould them finely and perfect,
Then you crush it down like how you killed an ant.
Aimlessly picking on who you want,
Thinking that they might be good or suchlike
; You lost in that fight.

Testament 2:

Sometimes you can make my skies turn blue,
At times you turn it bloody black and dark,
It was cold and...fucking...cold!
How it was that prick is able to do so?
Did not I understand, but I am trying.

Testament 3:

Some things should have kept the way it is
; Without interfering the limit of its own.
One can push things till it collapse,
One can do so much that it hurts,
One can die being hurt, while the other
; Won’t bother.

Final Testament, Solace of cataclysm:

Note, fairytales are bullocks,
Gun fights are Grimm Jaw's,
He kills and he seizes,
He lives to rule and ignore hearings,
He can never be brought to justice;
As he himself thinks "I am justice and only
I can judge", "I am your ruler".

But never he; sees the beauty in a lady,
Working like a mad dog, all round the clock,
For hours and hours thinking and weeping for him,
Yet he only sees a way out, a way to bail out.
As hard as the metal, Grimm Jaw is thicker and well-built,
Built only for him self, only to seek pleasure,
Only to be look after;
Have he consider looking out for others?

Fret not,
As all the comrades are here; prepared,
To walk with the lady and accompany her to safety,
She is now, the main priority.
He is now, the enemy,
We are now, an anatomy.
To see if we are one, to see if we could run
; Side by side without leaving one.
I know, I know, I fucking know;
That all of us are never a catastrophe,
But wonders made for others.

I have so much to say,
But I lay and lied through the day,
I can only hope and pray that one day,
All of us would be happy,
Starting from today; if I may?

I don’t want a repetition of today.

Ephemeral Imaginations.

I went up to the hills,
City lights were bright,
It’s a place where I enjoy the
Mosquito bites and picture
; Ephemeral imaginations.

Bright lights, city lights,
You are blocked by tall buildings,
But still I look for a spot where I can
; sit down and think about many things

The night clouds are beautiful; too bad
You’re not here,
I almost took you to my hideout,
Unfortunately,
Mans are building sky scrapers.
They fucking intrude my place.
But it’s okay,
I’m moving to a new place.

Far away, I’ll distract myself from
; uttered words of...
I wasn’t on any of your echelon,
I couldn’t reach to that point,
I know...I was too deeply smitten.
Since I’m going away,
Last wishes are written already.

I wish for nothing but the only the best,
I wish for nothing but for the better,
I wish for nothing but to change,
I wish for nothing but...only to see smiles,
I wish for something I know, deep inside,
It’s like playing music without the instruments,
It won’t fucking work.

I will,
Miss the moments,
Miss the laughter’s,
Miss the smiles,
Miss the Milo,
Miss the hangouts,
Miss the gigs,
Miss the people,
Miss the hills,
Miss the rooftop,
Miss the overnights,
Miss you, him, he, she, her, they and...
THEM.

They are the rainbows in my skies,
They are the rain in the middle of the desert,
They are my mum when I’m losing control,
They are the therapist,
The are the music I enjoy listening,
They are the sad movies I cried too,
They are some bunch of lunatics who would make faces
In the middle of the crowd,
They are my hangout buddies,
They are the ones, who would give me a slap if needed to,
They tell me straight if I’m wrong,
They care for me and won’t let me sink, but sing,
They are the ones, who thought me how to drink Milo.
They are precious and irreplaceable.

They also,
Gave me choices,
Gave me back my feelings,
Gave me the bright sky,
Gave me songs,
Gave me pictures,
Gave me drinks,
Gave me a whole lot of respect,
Gave me too many that I can't pay back,
Gave me a piece of what they think,
Gave me hugs,
Gave me the best time of my life,
Gave me some sense,
Gave me trust,
THEY GAVE ME HAPPINESS.

I am,
Sad,
Scared,
Losing grip,
Lost in words of my own,
Apprehensive,
Confuse,
I am in a troubled state of mind.

I have no idea how to show them how
Grateful I am, having them as my friends,
I wish all this would be a dream,
I really don’t need this kind of thing right now,
I feel...wretched as I write more.

To these precious, fantastic, joyful, tearful, roller-coaster riding-friends,
I owe you people some thanking. You guys have brought back my colour pencils to colour my skies again.


For now, I can only hallucinate and dream.

Numerous Minds Are Sometimes Poison.

I wouldn’t be singing late night songs to you anymore,
But I gave you a piece of what I think before,
Figure,
Figure,
Figure,
If I can draw out my thoughts, I would show you,
My feelings are the same as any songs; it’s always thinking.

Wonder around the field, thinking if it was real,
Wonder if everything is as promised,
Wonder if every thought would go to God,
Surely it will, but it takes time and, an open heart.
One day I would go to the sky and blow the angels,
They betray me for not being there at times like these,
Also the stars and the moon, they ran away; they hate sadness,
I went away; check the clock, it stopped ticking; dead.

My boy, you got to keep it chilling or it’ll blow,
Like the bomb,
Like the bomb,
It’s dangerous.
Explosions of unusual feelings; sometimes I feel cold.
This is where my medulla oblongata starts to hallucinate,
With dreams you’ve buried under my thoughtful mind,
I was thinking,
What if one day...
Bullshit, why must it be "what if"?
Why can’t it be just "one day I’ll take your hand and walk with you"?

I live in a field full of lies with teary eyes; wondering in my own lies,
I can lie just about to anything; even to my won feelings,
Yes, well lie
All of us hurt others before,
All of us, we do bad things,
The Americans, they thought us to live in their lifestyle,
The French, thought us how to wonderful love is; yes they are good,
Well, we live in a world not in our own, but in other people’s dreams and words,
We live in wide open land, created by other people’s desire,

Where are your own lands?
Where are your own thoughts?
Where are your own words?
Where?
Where are your fucking feelings?
Where is your fucking heart?

I ask my self,
Where do I stand now?

All I see is the sky I have and the lights lighting up my nights,
And there you stand, like a statue of liberty, tall and strong.

I know, I’ve grown weaker and not knowing of where to go and what I want.
I gather numerous thoughts from people, and got screwed by some of them.


note to self:you can't keep on going like this, its fuckingfivethirty.

Twillight.

Drunk drivers; serial killers,
You murder with sorrow tears,
You drove fast; didn’t even bother,
You jumped out; that really bothers,
Absinthe is the best cure I’ve found,
It kills the "germs" out of you,
It kills...you, me, and others.

Forgotten memoirs is a norm here,
Just like how Pete forget about Cinderella,
Instant redemption; wont happen here,
Fragile; I know he is, but he’s also cold,
You must know; Kim hates you, Angela,
She hates you because you are the preeminent,
You utter in unspoken language she understands.

Old folks, dying and trying to win their children's heart,
In any possible way; you try to kill them,
Lies, disguise, complots; you’re different
; Unique,
Go ahead, take the car and bang your head,
Grandma’s graves up ahead; nod down your head,
Show respect,
This is how you preserve closeness,
Ram the car, go fast to west,
Meet Beth, she’s my friend; a healer.

I look up to the sky during the day,
Wondering where could I go wrong everyday,
And Monday was never Monday as it’s always
; Gloomy.
2.5 grams of cocaine, cocaine in the back seat,
Let’s get drunk and carve our names on the trunk,
I remember now, you are the girl I always saw,
The one with white shirts and short skirts,
Such beauty,
I was impressed; that was long ago, now im different.

You know I’ve change, influenced by tars and nicotine,
Coming unstable, think; I’m unable to,
I'm stuck in my own thoughts and feelings,
Enjoying the yellowish field, fill with flowers,
Crying with grief; hunting every heart owners.

I looked for Angela, but I didn’t see her, where is she?
Perhaps she’s in the toilet, or crying for a fagot
; Like me, I’ll admit that I am.

Grey Skies That Belongs to Kim.

When the sun starts to fall,
Kim also falls, but only her tears,
Grief of her loss; very deep,
And no one can see her in the dark.
She couldn’t blame anyone,
She took the hit and hurt her self,
Was that really necessary? ...Maybe.

Maybe she put the blame on the clouds,
For they are always dark and gloomy,
She never said the clouds are bothering,
But Michael always knows, somehow;
Things got in her way, too heavy for her,
So it stayed there and stayed till; unsure.
The longer it stayed, the deeper the wound gets,
But Kim is obviously, ignorant and stubborn.

Fuck what Kerri thinks; she’s not your mother,
For what’s it worth, she’ll do anything to change it,
Such concentrated dark values Kim owns; very profound.
Conversations of coldness and emotionless,
She bares it all in her self;
Waiting for someone to take it away; but for how long?
It’s never too late to turn back.

An hour ago, my house blacked out,
It was dark; I had only one candle,
One bowl of rice with veggie,
A pot of weed,
And a "Chapter 13" page from Kim.
Filled with materials of HER; the dark witch,
She is who you hate; she is all you have,
I smoked,
Gain hunger,
Saw flying penguins,
And heard beautiful noises,
You weren’t there; you wouldn’t know,
I read Chapter 13; it was; very moving.

Dear Kim,

I kept your Chapter 13 with me all the time,
Cried almost every night; having a war in myself,
Trying to decide who the next queen is; I can’t.
Such an epic saga; with beautiful deaths,
You’ll surely enjoy every bit of it,
Excluding the happy ending; you hate happy endings,
I don’t know why.

A terrible thought I had just now...how was it? How do you cope with life?

Two bags of cotton candies and 1.5 grams of cocaine.

And so you died and came back alive,
With colourful world she gave you back,
But you still look dead as if you’re a dead cell,
The one where you can’t do anything, regardless the effort.

Yes, she lives to kill.

It is so deep that the wound is infected,
Infected by musical influence of Margret,
A silent music created to make her invincible,
Such dark tune it is, but still she enjoyed killing hopes.

I wonder if Pete knows.

I wonder and wonder, the whole night I did,
But I have no idea of what is coming; I was lost,
Talking about flying elephants and singing horses,
Sinking submarine and crossed joints,
I got lost again in my own thoughts of….I disbelieve.

I want to pretend dead now, good bye.

Its all the same now, bad crows are still bad,
Witches are still evil and manipulating is what they do,
Hunting every little kids and grabs their candies,
Switching it to hypnotising drugs to lure them,
And rip off their virginity; tragedy.

Gabriel’s dream is hanged.

You quiver as you flashback through silent movies,
Something from your past is still intact with your mind,
It’s untouchable nor it is breakable, but it can be block,
It is a never-ending story in your head; like worldwar2,
Not until one dies or loses, or perhaps like now; just ignore it.

As usual, hallucination is you.

You only hallucinate in what you believe is right,
Not considering the risk of leaving your shirts and whatnot,
You travelled into highways to Tentamonium; exquisite,
They have colourful rainbows just like Marry Anne’s eyes,
But those eyes are meant to pleasure, and then kill.

Nightmares of self destruct...Is still here.

You're So Called Wonderland.

They sky you’ve created is awfully ugly,
It is definitely different from the previous,
It’s full of tragedy and I have this feeling of
Frustration when I looked at it,
It’s saddening when everything is turning to
The malevolence one.

You ran to the church with Pete making
You’re brides maid confuse,
You thought having a wedding by the shore
Was overrated,
So Pete agrees and starts saying his vows and you
Fell upon his sweet words.

You and he are suitable for each other,
Just like the priest told you once;"he is decent for you",
What ever it was, I am laughing now,
I’ll enjoy this whole melodramatic scene of you people,
I am now...a hollow.

You only see the sky you've created, not the parts you've deleted,
So don't you realize you’re living in a "created world" of yours?
Don't you wonder if you are stepping on reality’s ground,
Or just the dream's?
I know how fast you can run and how far you can go;
But still Pete could catch up to you no matter where you go,
Because I’m always blocked by fences and what not.

But fences are nothing to me; I'll just push it down,
The angel Gabriel, you’ve build to perfection and decency,
Is just another devil now; killing dreams
And throwing nightmares,
Is that what you wanted? Well Pete must be upset
With what you’re doing.

You ran and ran and ran the whole night,
Chasing what? Wake up, we’re in the real world here,
While you people are having fun, you don’t see the monsters
And demons called humans; snatching and waiting for you,
Waiting for you to fall into their diabolical plans.

Wake up you selfish humans; you’re living in reality here.

Thunder Plays Good Music.

I hear the thunder storms singing,
It’s beautiful as the music that’s playing,
I personally let them sing in the morning,
So when we break apart I won’t sink.

I lied, I’m sinking.

Late night I watch horror movies,
She grabs hold of whatever she sees,
Anything she can hold on to; TV’s and cooshies,
So Sayang, are you still holding on to those woosies?

I hope not.

For what ever reasons that is, I told you;
Never ever once you cross my limit,
Now that you have; I see you vomit,
Vomiting bloods of sadness and guilt.

You don’t deserve that, I should.

I told Parker and Cameron,
Don’t leave me here alone,
They didn’t but instead; them mourn along,
But only for a few moments,
Because, they also have to go back home.

Thank you, treasured friends.

You see, every fucking time you touch me,
I will surely quiver and my fears could create a sea,
I can’t see but I still walk across the river with sympathy,
It’s all I have to give and to take from others; I know you could see it.

Don’t pretend that we are happy at times we know we’re not.

They wrote me a letter to cheer me up; I burned it,
I wrote back to them saying I’m going to kill my self; in blood ink,
The spiders came and put up webs all over to stop me sink,
They, our friends are the ones who called the spiders, thank you for saving me.

I don’t know how to show gratitude to them, I’m a shame of myself.

To self, I speak quietly with anger,
Telling self, to be calm and cheerful,
But that wont happen, trust me, not in hell,
And so, all of you saw it, such sinister smile ever carved on my face.

I tried, I really did.

I heard thunder singing again,
It was loud as if they we're playing,
With wondrous joy they did,
Happily they ran away without bothering.

Exquisite, they all are.

But sad I am to know that,
This is where it all ends,
No signs and no sounds,
but just a hunch of, heart breaking stories of Neverland

I’m sad that you’ve crossed it,
I’m sad that you killed “us”,
I’m sad that I laugh when I actually cry inside,
I’m sad that I listen to ballets songs,
I’m sad that I let it out to my friends; and I’m sorry for that,
I’m sad that I shiver when I look in the mirror; because I see you,
I’m sad that I could again; see sadness in songs I actually enjoy,
I’m sad that sad movies make me sick,
I’m sad that I tremble upon goodness towards people,
I’m sad that progressive music is so emotive; but I still enjoy it,
I’m sad that I write this piece of junk; it’s making me sick,
I’m sad to see myself being like this; it’s such pity,
I’m sad that my Late Night Request is not on - air anymore.

TwoHundredAndThirthy.

I took a rest and lay down on the floor,
The night sky was dark and wide open,
I open up my mind, and started wondering around,
I found, twohunderedandthirthy reasons.

Reasons I should’ve never thought of in the first place.
Just when I was about to reach, two son of a bitch’s came,
It was lame,
But it’s their game to play,
I had to let them win,
It was a shame I didn’t had the time to dream.

So what if I miss the stars?
They are the ones who accompanies me at times like…now,
Its fuckingthreeinthemorning and im mourning,
I know, I should get back to bed,
But I need a lullaby,
Where’s mine?

Who cares if we die?
We’re not the ones, who gave them what they have now,
Why care?
Because there’s, onehundredandsixmillion
Why I shouldn’t tell you that I misjudged you.