Dumb Fuck.

I meet...people.

people of...different races.

races that...bring colours to life.

a life...not many can achieve.

now...it's dying.


These colours resembles unity
But where? not a single sign of it
Maybe...too much hope was put on it,
too little effort making it fail.

I will not die with a colour,
I want to die with other colours,
we're all in one colour,
a unit moved by laughter and tears.

I am willing to fight for them,
whatever the outcome might be,
I will.

To lead one team, you need all of them,
To lead all, you need only one;
unity.

nota 4 pagi bukit bintang.

i only see shadows walking pass by
orange, blue, yellow were the themes
midnight chatters were the music
late night thoughts were the lyrics

i saw ten thousand ants crawling up
my feet
i felt ten thousand nano mites under my skin
this could be either the strangest or the shittiest
feeling ever.

but i walked through it like how everyone does
it tickles at times, it also hurts...most of the time
and it still doesn't change the fact that

i am who i fucking am.

I saw my self in a black and white death

I thought fire was nice
I thought pain was good
I thought being emotionless was decent
I thought losing my own desires was great

I put my self at risk
Like on the edge of Everest, wait
To fall slowly, cold and dead
I am yours to regret.

I felt the sharp words trenchant
Layers of the heart
The hard look hits on my face
And there, I fail to feel anything

A dog is always a dog
Doing what it does best, follow
Every step is another step to heart burn
Every words promised, is another deceit
As always I only follow and obey.

A boat sails to the northern
Leave what’s broken behind
Why are you still here?
Listening to Rumahbogel gives me the
Idea
I should keep my thoughts to my self
And no one could take it away.

I’ll take what ever there is
Wear it everyday till the body dies
Drink it till the venom is neutral to me
I am a hollow after all
What’s there to feel?
I was left dead, to rot
Why the fuck am I still here and alive?

satan was a good guy.

Satan, kill that light crossing my mind
I’m seeing lasers, flashes and blur pictures of
Confusion
Sing to me a song, write me a death note
I want to hear you scream like how you used to
When you’re mad at me.

Please struck my mind with spears of common
Feeling of yours
So I can kill myself when you’re gone.
Take me to the black hole and show me the
Meaning of loneliness when no one’s around
To help.

Your sighs brings doom to my world,
A weapon you will use against me,
To take control of everything.
Dance to this heart beat you’ve mixed up,
Stomp it hard.

You’d always keep my thoughts in a pause
Like how you’d know I would when I can’t do or feel anything
when you indirectly force me to shout out my thoughts
to you so I could be the reason to why you’re angry
and in the end, I am the poison,
I am the knife that kills you every night.

I am the dead light.

Time to go ,

Its two a.m.
And I haven’t found home yet,
Why is this happening?
So walked straight,
Towards false hope and deceit,
I fell.

You weren’t there,
You didn’t help,
Instead, you kept quiet.
I drew tones of symmetrical lines
Shaping you.

Failed.

Fucking failed.

I walked again.
This time,
I make turns so I won’t fall again.
And I didn’t.

Because I had so many reasons not to,
Because I had to fight to tell a tale,
Because I was hurt so bad,
Because I had stars with me,
Because I have a heart with me,
Because it wasn’t all nice in the end,
Because I had angels to look over me

And these angels are my new symmetrical drawings.
They had shaped me in to another angel.

One of Those Fucking Awful Black Days.

Like one of those awful black days
Silence takes over...everything
; Some solitude there
I didn’t like it but
Kept on going to the limit
When I know, I know deep down
It hurts to have, even a slight contact.

"Submarines" going up and down
Taking away life’s meaning
Like one of those awful black days.
There must be casualties, too bad i'm the casualty
; based on irrational emotional judgements

Place 1.5 milligrams of cocaine in front of you,
Enough to make you hallucinate
Now, place a 9mm bullet through your brain
Enough to make you free
It hurts but god I like it.

Some things are meant to be broken
And scattered to be figured
Some things are just cruel
Just to tell you that this is life

Like one of those awful black days,
My body is trapped; in a pause to be exact
Committing to everything I possibly can...but not you.

Like one of those fucking awful black days again
I miss the taste of strawberry cupcakes and iced vanilla
Or maybe butterscotch and the clicking sound of the camera

Like one of those fucking awful black days again
When everything seems so grey.

nota kaki:

kau senyum dengan sempurnanya, tidak memikirkan
hal orang lain atau apa yang telah kau lakukan.
senangkan, hidup macam tu?

aku pula senyum dengan penuh sinis,
masih fikir untuk menjaga perasaan orang lain
what a life lah.gila hitam putih.

Nota 3:55 am.

Jam dah 3:55 am, aku masih memikirkan apa nak jadi.
Coretan pada kertas yang aku dah simpan 5 bulan
Masih aku guna sebagai penggerak aku (kononnya aku hebat)
Lagu bermain tanpa henti macam babi, aku tak henti henti menyanyi.
Tapi kenapa berhenti bila semuanya terjadi? aku pun nak ikut mati?

aku tak kesah apa kau nak buat, janji kau rasa kau hebat.
Aku hanya nak nokhtah, kau buat aku nak muntah.


Gila
kau
imaginasi aku

aku kejam
hipokrasi kau



Tiap kali kau laporkan diri, aku rasa happy, tapi...
But aku masih tak senang hati memikirkan petak hati
Yang dah berbelah bahagi. Semua orang cakap tak
Takut mati, kepala gajah kau orang lah. Semuanya hipokrasi.
Bila luka di hati, berjahit sana sini rasa seperti nak mati.
Boleh pula kau rasa benda tu, tak malu ke kawan?

Bila kau lari laju laju, aku masih macam batu,
Tak tahu menahu mana nak ku tuju, tapi aku nak gerak laju.
Sebab dalam aku, masih ada perasaan nak tahu tentang you.
Mata seperti ada gam, berat tapi still nak angkat. Sebab aku tak tahu
Apa nak buat dengan buku buku yang lalu dan baju baju kau.

Haram jadah, satu message pun tak sampai, tapi berpuluh dah keluar.
Aku check pocket seluar, aku jumpa nota dia, ringkas tapi sakit "berjahit"
Jugak la. Koyak rabak di buatnya. Aku hanya manusia. Berilah kerjasama
Kawan.

hisap rokok bertalu talu, kepala aku dah tak tentu. Mata aku macam masuk shampoo; pedih. Badan aku dah tak berlagu, macam hantu bergerak tak tahu arah tuju. Sekarang aku tahu, dah tak malu, aku nak main lagu sendiri pula

Kau tahu aku tahu apa kita semua mahu, kau tahu yang aku dah tak macam dulu.
Aku tahu aku masih "disitu" sedangkan kau dah pun pantas mendahului aku
Se-simple nya, kau dah Hilang hati kau.